Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Last night was weird. Yeah-I'm pretty sure that's the best word I can use to describe it. Maybe super weird would be a better choice? Okay-here goes my attempt to strategically describe the RHONJ reunion show part deux.

Let's break it all down from strange to stranger to strangest moments:

Strange:

Danielle's outfit

Andy Cohen's socks

Caroline acting like a genie

Stranger:

Danielle talking about her sex life [is she into men or women??]

Kim G showing up

Danielle pulling out a head with hair extensions

Andy Cohen pulling said head of hair

Strangest:

Danielle hugging Teresa

Danielle hugging Jacqueline and whispering sweet nothings into her ear

Danielle shaking Caroline's hand

So that pretty much summed up the reunion show part dos. I think we can see what the common denominator is: Danielle. Now divide 3 housewives, add an Andy Cohen, and subtract a Danielle Staub because she's gone. Yeah-you heard [ahem-read] right, the reunion was Danielle's last Bravo appearance. Cue music.

So what's next for the Jersey housewives? We haven't heard much of anything yet, but when we find out more information, you can bet that you will find it here. I have some investigating to do...maybe I should call up Danielle's PI?

In case you missed out on the awkward hugger, feel free to see for yourself:

O-kiM-G

Monday is here again and it comes bringing our favorite NJ ladies. RHONJ Reunion Part 2 is tonight! Be sure to tune in and see what the infamous Kim G has to say and if Andy Cohen can survive this.

So get your Jersey on and watch

tonight @ 9/8c

Bravo: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The Good:

-Lea Michelle stated in the October issue of Glamour magazine that she loves Bravo, especially Top Chef and RHONJ. So she get's a mazel from us!

[side note: can't wait for the new season of Glee! hootie hoo!]

-I made meatballs using Caroline Manzo's recipe, and they were delicious. Check it out here

-Top Chef won an Emmy

-Albie Manzo is still reportedly single

The Bad:

-Tiffany Derry had to pack her knives and go on Top Chef this week [another loss for the South. At least we have sweet tea and NASCAR]

-Bethenny Frankel will not be returning to the RH of New York [before you go all Ramotional on us, Andy Cohen wants her back for a second season of Bethenny Getting Married? They should change it to "Bethenny Staying Clothed?"] Check out the article for her reasons for leaving [ahem-Kelly]
-Lynn Curtin was not asked back for season 6 of the RH of Orange County [I'm going to miss her cuffs, drunkeness, expressionless face and bratty kids]. If you want to read the article, click here
-Real Housewives of DC is still lame

And The Ugly:

My Big Gay Italian Wedding

Our favorite Jersey wives have another hit show-but on Broadway this time! We mentioned this in an earlier post, but now that it has premiered and it's all I've been hearing about from Twitter to the Today Show, I just wanted to say that I'm real bummed that I can't see it. It's not fair. So to everyone who can see it, I'm super jealous. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

For those like ourselves who can't see the show, this picture will have to suffice for now.

This sucks.

Danielle vs. Those Woman

Holy crapballs. I felt the intensity of the RHONJ reunion through my tv. Within the first 10 minutes I was running for cover. Where to even start with this one? Can we first address Danielle's lack of a-dress [pun]? She really Jersey shored it up: a white wife-beater and a sequined miniskirt? Classy. The other ladies looked super Jerseylicious. They didn't let me down-their dresses were as tight and short as they could be. Loved it! Caroline looked smokin' in her one-shoulder number.

Okay-now for the 'DON'T BRING UP MY FAMILY' part. I was wrong, NJ didn't hit the fan, Teresa did. Before I start talking about it, if you didn't see the clip [which if you haven't, I'm pretty ashamed of you right now] or want to relive it [which is totally acceptable, I've watched it about 4 times so far] see the video below. Now that you have watched/rewatched the moment, let's talk about it.

My first question is, why would Danielle bring up Teresa's nephew? Why is that controversial? I feel like there is some other drama going on there that we don't know about. Well, it set Teresa off. Is it wrong that I wanted T to hit D?? D just sat there all smug and then strutted off like a cougar. T acted like a caged animal. She freaking knocked Andy Cohen out of her way!! Non-mazel. Like I said before, I completely understand why Andy is gay. Women are cray-cray [hey-that rhymed. nice]. So D cried to her hair dresser and the lesbian super star Lori [and that's another story-I think it's totally a publicity stunt]. They got D back, but T couldn't pass Andy. Caroline calmed T down as best as she could. I thought C was going to lose her finger. Got it?? I didn't know if there were enough D's, T's, and C's to confuse you guys.

There is literally so much I could talk about. I'm trying to organize it all, but I'm jumping all over the place.

Every question Cohen asked was turned into a fight.

Example: "So you had a baby this season"

"Yes, I did. Baby Nicholas. He's beautiful. And Danielle, you did not go with me to my appointments! You're a liar! Would you like me to give you my child?! Did you get me pregnant?! You know what-you're garbage. Gar-bage." [insert expletives at will]

So yeah. I like how Cohen asked why Danielle always said 'woman' instead of 'women' and then when he asked her what the plural of 'woman' was, she answered 'woman'. The gramma of these woman is suberbably high.

This is already getting long, so I'll just sum it up:

Danielle=Bad

Others=Good

Would love to hear your thoughts about the show & be sure to tune in next week for part 2.

The Broadway Bunch

The Real Housewives of New Jersey women guest star in the off-broadway musical My Big Gay Italian Wedding. The bravolebrities (minus Danielle) will make their first appearance on the St. Lukes Theater stage in New York City September 1st. To purchase tickets and find out more information visit the TheaterMania website.

My Big Gay Italian Wedding Cast

Proverbial Post

I already miss RHONJ. And it's been less than 24 hours. Last night's finale show was kookadoodledoo.

Caroline went out to slay the beast and she won..or lost..or it was a tie? Danielle ran away when Caroline went a little Kelly Killorean Bensimon on us. Danielle needed bodyguards to protect her from the ringleader of the Italian clan, who has been instigating every dramatic hair pull and fashion show foot chase of the season [click]. Then Danielle made her kids hug her rescuers. Who didn't have to rescue her. But saved her life. I loved that Caroline called her garbage..again. She should copyright that expression. And Danielle should copyright proverbial, or actually just stop using it. When you say someone is sitting on a throne, we know it's not an actual throne [exception]. Thanks for having zero faith in human intelligence.

So is the book closed? Oh-let me clarify, the proverbial book. Unless the whole time they were actually referring to the infamous "book" of the Last Supper. Maybe proverbial is needed here. But I did hear that the book is closed about 27 times, so I was just checking.

I might have cried while reading Caroline's blog this morning. I really out-lamed myself, but it's worth the read, so check it out!

There's also a super-mega-crazy-awesome clip from the reunion show which you should check out too! Spoiler: Andy Cohen gets manhandled-nonMazel!!

And if anyone has any solid proof about Danielle being fired from the show, hit us up. All I've found are rumors.

I have to go get scanned by my Zen expert now.

Drama.

Weather Report

Attention: Hurricane Danielle is steadily strengthening.

& on the same night of RHONJ finale.

I'm just saying.

Danielle vs. Caroline

Happy Birthday to @CarolineManzo!

And Happy NJ Monday to you guys!

So, RHONJ finale show tonight! Be sure to tune in and watch!

A text from Caroline to Danielle?? This should be good.

Real Housewives of NJ

Tonight @ 10/9c

And to celebrate RHONJ finale day, Bravotv is giving the chance to win the "RH Get Personal" book! We have it & LOVE it so definitely try and win!

Get Personal!!

The Giudice Family Reunion

Ciao!

The RHNJ is coming to an end but not without a family reunion - Italian style! The trip to Italy continued on this week's episode. Joe and Teresa were excited to introduce the Manzos and Lauritas to their Italian heritage in the village of Sala Consilina, Italy.
First, they made a short trip to Naples. Joe lost it during the bus ride yelling constantly but at the same time telling people to be "civilized" when they reach their destination. Caroline got a kick out of Joe's behavior and even made her cry out of laughter.
And Teresa, well, she just ignored him.
As always, Teresa arrived in style! I swear, her boots were at least four or five inches tall. Milania was concerned for her mommy and didn't want her to "fall and break her neck." Maybe she should take her daughter's concern to heart and not wear killer heels in a village with ancient, unpaved roads! (Although I must say she did look fabulous - yes, the way Milania says "fabulous" is how I intend to say it here).
While most of the clan was chatting with the Giudice family and distant relatives, Caroline and Jacqueline could not get enough of the delicious pasta! The many miles of walking up steep hills in Sala Consilina definitely worked up their appetites. Honestly, I was quite jealous of them. I think I would be visiting the homemade Italian meals more than the family as well! Yum...
It was precious to see the Manzo's parents appreciate their trip to Italy and reminisce on old memories. The probably are the cutest elderly couple ever.
Oh and by the way, if you didn't catch Teresa's comment about her grammar, she says that she has a hard time speaking English and mixes up phrases because up until kindergarten she only spoke fluent Italian. Go figure.
Right now I don't even want to waste time talking about Danielle's part of the episode. There isn't really much change. She is still searching for her biological mother and has hired a private investigator to help her.
Also, I will leave you with a cunning comment that was made on Danielle's most recent blog titled Rumors:

"Glad you are trying to find your biological mother, but please stop saying you have been looking for her for 47 years. Aren't you 47? You weren't looking for her when you were a baby."


Arrivederci,
Mallory and Kathryn

Who?

Alright-time for RHONJ and Kim G. Oh wait-I meant, "who?". Kim G went whack. She was sitting there yelling at Danielle in a public restaurant. I mean, I hate Danielle as much as the next girl, but Kim G blew her lid and then some. It was insane, but not a good insane. When Teresa was chasing Danielle at the fashion show that was pretty hilarious. But Kim G yelling profanities at Danielle was just real classless [maybe the Countess is right-money can't buy you class]. And then she barged in Jacqueline's house and starts cursing and baby Nicholas probably pooped his pants. She knew it had to be coming though. Can anyone really blame Danielle for being upset? Kim G was playing both sides, but only one side knew it. Kim just wants her 15 minutes of fame. Who thinks she's going to become the new housewife? Then it wouldn't be 15 minutes, it would be like a lot of minutes. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens. I'm on the fence about her-I like her sometimes, but then there are times where her two-facedness [yes-I made that word up] is just off-the-wall-ridiculous. Danielle freaked her kids out at that shady diner they always go to. She acts more like a kid than her own children do. I don't know how they ended up so decent, but Danielle had nothing to do with it. I guess having to take care of their mother does that to them. I like how the story came from an eyebrow plucker at a salon who was talking to someone, maybe Teresa, or maybe Kim G, or maybe Christine's friend. It was hard to follow that story-I think it kept changing. I'm glad Danielle called her ex-convict friend, Danny "the smallest thug I've ever seen", to take care of salon gossip. Good call.

The Christening of baby Audriana was adorable. That has to be the most beautiful baby, and that's saying something because my little cousin is tough competition. She looked like a porcelain doll. They went above and beyond and beyond and beyond to throw that celebration. Joe seemed to get hot around the collar a few too many times. Are you feeling the loss of money there, Joe? They obviously should have been more careful with their spending. Every episode shows them dropping mega bones on all sorts of important stuff [like a huge, tacky, yellow diamond ring the size of my face, more huge bows for the girls of course, oh and a pizza place-can't forget that one] But I mean, that Christening was amazinggg. No joke-the cake looked like her dress. Seriously folks? I would've thought it was a wedding. I actually wish I could have a wedding that is half as nice as that Christening ceremony. And the baby is like less than 12 months, and I'm like less than 22 years. Bummer on me. It was sweet seeing Jacqueline and Ashley having a cute mother-daughter moment. Those are rare to find in that household. I teared up during the first dance of the parents and Audriana-but really, it's pretty cheesy. The baby was just hanging out there in between her mother's bubbies and her father's oversized chest-we'll call that bubbies too.

Next week looks like a good episode-Joe seems to lose it. I think the money thing starts to come to a boil. Interested to see where that goes! And they all go to Venice?? Whaattt??

Tanti baci! [I think that's Italian, don't know what it means-just go with it]